Michael J. Gelb<\/a> who were the first to alert me to Rosenberg’s work.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n\n- The 4 NVC Components:<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- Observations:<\/em> The concrete actions we observe that affect our well-being.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Feelings:<\/em> How we feel in relation to what we observe.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Needs:<\/em> The needs, values, desires, etc. that create our feelings.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Requests:<\/em> The concrete actions we request in order to enrich our lives.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Two ways to use The 4 NVC Components:<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- Expressing honestly<\/em><\/span><\/li>\n
- Receiving empathically<\/em><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Types of Communication That Blocks Compassion:<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- Moralistic Judgments<\/em><\/span>\n
\n- In the world of judgments, our concern centers on \u201cwho is what.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Analyses of others are actually expressions of our own needs and values.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Classifying and judging people promotes violence.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Making Comparisons<\/em>: Comparisons are a form of judgment.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Denial of Responsibility<\/em><\/span>\n
\n- Our language obscures awareness of personal responsibility.<\/span><\/li>\n
- We can replace language that implies lack of choice with language that acknowledges choice.<\/span><\/li>\n
- We are dangerous when we are not conscious of our responsibility for how we behave, think, and feel.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Making Demands<\/em>: We can never make people do anything.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Assessing Who \u201cDeserves\u201d What<\/em>: Thinking based on \u201cwho deserves what\u201d blocks compassionate communication.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Observing Without Evaluating<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- When we combine observation with evaluation, people are apt to hear criticism.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Example 1: Use of verb to be<\/em> without indication that the evaluator takes responsibility for the evaluation.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cYou are too generous.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: When I see you give all your lunch money to others, I think you are being too generous.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Example 2: Use of verbs with evaluative connotations.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cDoug procrastinates.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: \u201cDoug only studies for exams the night before.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Example 3: Implication that one\u2019s inferences about another person\u2019s thoughts, feelings, intentions, or desires are the only ones possible.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cShe won\u2019t get her work in.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: \u201cI don\u2019t think she\u2019ll get her work in.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Example 4: Confusion of prediction with certainty.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cIf you don\u2019t eat balanced meals, your health will be impaired.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: \u201cIf you don\u2019t eat balanced meals, I fear your health may be impaired.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Example 5: Failure to be specific about referents.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cImmigrants don\u2019t take care of their property.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: \u201cI have not seen the immigrant family living at 1679 Ross shovel the snow on their sidewalk.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Example 6: Use of words denoting ability without indicating that an evaluation is being made.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cHank Smith is a poor soccer player.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: \u201cHank Smith has not scored a goal in twenty games.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Example 7: Use of adverbs and adjectives in ways that do not indicate an evaluation has been made.<\/span>\n
\n- Bad: \u201cJim is ugly.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Good: \u201cJim\u2019s looks don\u2019t appeal to me.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Identifying and Expressing Feelings<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- Expressing our vulnerability can help resolve conflicts.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Ways of expressing that confuse feelings with thoughts:<\/span>\n
\n- \u201cI feel that<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel like<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel as if<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel I<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel it<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel you<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel he<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel she<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel Amy<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel my boss<\/em>\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Real feelings can be expressed directly without using the use of the word \u201cfeel;\u201d for example, \u201cI am scared\u201d instead of \u201cI feel that I am scared.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Distinguish between what we feel and how we think others react or behave toward us.\u00a0 Examples\u2026<\/span>\n
\n- \u201cI feel unimportant<\/em> to the people with whom I work.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel misunderstood<\/em>.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- \u201cI feel ignored<\/em>.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Words that sound like feelings, but are our interpretations of others:<\/em> Abandoned, abused, attacked, betrayed, boxed-in, bullied, cheated, coerced, co-opted, cornered, diminished, distrusted, interrupted, intimidated, let down, manipulated, misunderstood, neglected, overworked, patronized, pressured, provoked, put down, rejected, taken for granted, threatened, unappreciated, unheard, unseen, unsupported, unwanted, used.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Take Responsibility for Our Feelings<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- 4 options for receiving negative messages:<\/em><\/span>\n
\n- 1. Blame ourselves.<\/span><\/li>\n
- 2. Blame others.<\/span><\/li>\n
- 3. Sense our own feelings and needs.<\/span><\/li>\n
- 4. Sense others\u2019 feelings and needs.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Sensing our own feelings and needs.<\/em><\/span>\n
\n- Connect your feeling with your need: \u201cI feel\u2026because I need\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n
- Distinguish between giving from the heart and being motivated by guilt.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Judgments of others are alienated expressions of our own unmet needs.<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n
- If we express our needs, we have a better chance of getting them met.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Examples of human needs:<\/span>\n
\n- Autonomy: choosing dreams, goals, values<\/span><\/li>\n
- Celebration: of the creation of life and fulfilled dreams; and losses of loved ones or of dreams<\/span><\/li>\n
- Integrity: authenticity, creativity, meaning, self-worth<\/span><\/li>\n
- Interdependence: acceptance, appreciation, closeness, community, consideration, enrichment of life, emotional safety, empathy, honesty, love, reassurance, respect, support, trust, understanding, warmth<\/span><\/li>\n
- Physical nurturance: air, food, exercise, safety, rest, sexuality, shelter, touch, water<\/span><\/li>\n
- Play: fun, laughter<\/span><\/li>\n
- Spiritual communion: beauty, harmony, inspiration, order, peace<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- If we don\u2019t value our needs, others may not either.<\/span><\/li>\n
- Stages of emotional liberation:<\/span>\n
\n- 1. Emotional slavery.\u00a0 We see ourselves responsible for others\u2019 feelings.<\/span><\/li>\n
- 2. The obnoxious stage.\u00a0 We feel angry; we no longer want to be responsible for others\u2019 feelings.<\/span><\/li>\n
- 3. Emotional liberation. We take responsibility for our intentions and actions.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n
- Requesting That Which Would Enrich Life<\/em><\/strong><\/span>\n
\n- Use clear, positive, concrete action language when making requests.<\/span><\/li>\n